Print Edition Vol. 14 - Flying is Less Terrifying

Flying is Less Terrifying

by Tabitha O'Connell

Jordan woke up screaming from someone else’s mouth. Surrounded by dark, empty space, cold spring air whipping past him—no, he was whipping past the air, because he was falling, the limbs that weren’t his splayed out helpless as the lights of the East Amherst University campus below grew ever-larger. 

“Help!” the mouth that wasn’t his shouted. Again: Help!! But… in his head this time?

No, you’re in my head, and you need to freaking help me!

Jordan didn’t know whose head he was in, but apparently it was on him to do something about their situation. Part of him vaguely recognized what was happening, enough to be excited about it. But—priorities. 

The campus was rapidly approaching—the fountain in the middle of the fake lake; the blocky dorms; the rusty, twisted metal sculpture in front of the art building, lit by lights that cast its eerie shadow across the mini-quad. But he could do something about that, if only he could figure out how…

Focus, the voice in not-his head pleaded. And, pushing down a flare of defensiveness, he did. He found the well of power that not-him possessed and sank into it, willing the fall to stop. And… it did. The body that wasn’t his slowed down to simply hang in the air above the admin building. 

Um. This is great, but the ground would be nice?

With concentration, Jordan was able to resume the descent at a controlled pace. Past the building, until not-his feet landed on the sidewalk. Not-his body crumpled to hands and knees, and he felt the flood of relief from whoever it was even as he felt the same thing himself, and then—

He was in his bed, in his apartment, Priya—his roommate—mumbling in her sleep across the room. Fuck, his head hurt…

He’d just been in someone else’s head—and used that person’s brand-new flying ability to save them both. He was in a fucking power pair.

Now he just had to figure out who his other half was.

###

As a child, Jordan had been as obsessed with power pairs as any other kid—hanging on the stories a friend told about her other friend’s invisibility-capable sister, shushing his family whenever Susie “Stretch” Davis and her partner showed up in a Levi’s commercial on TV. His fascination with Susie’s shape-changing abilities had eventually helped clue him in to his trans-ness. 

In his daydreams he’d always been the physical partner, bringing the panache as the face of the pair, but having it happen to him at all was pretty sweet. Accepted etiquette dictated that he find and talk to his partner before letting the news get out, but he hadn’t exactly had a chance to ask their name. Before class that morning he checked Pairs.com, but no one had posted about free-falling above their college campus last night.

As luck would have it, though, he’d just reached the dining hall pizza counter when a pair of hands on the other side slid a fresh tray of pizza in front of him. He knew those hands—the skinny fingers, the vaguely Maine-shaped birthmark on the back of the left. He’d just seen them planted on a sidewalk.

“Hey,” Jordan said, and the person looked up. Vaguely familiar, someone he’d seen around. Dark hair, beard, hipster glasses. Tall. 

“Hi.” The guy gave him a friendly smile, sans recognition.

Jordan leaned against the counter. He only had twenty minutes for lunch, but this was worth it. “Do anything… exciting last night?”

“Huh?” A frown became wide eyes. “Oh shit, are you—”

“In the flesh.” Jordan spread his arms. “Look, I have to run, but do you wanna do dinner?”

“Yeah. Sure. Six okay?”

“It’s a date.” Jordan grinned and grabbed three slices of pizza before departing with a wave.

###

The hours of waiting gave Jordan plenty of time to dredge the guy’s name from his memory: Will Barnes. They’d had French I together last year. Will had been quiet, smart; the prof had embarrassed him once by making him do a dialogue with her in front of the class. Dressed nicely (killer sweater collection), carried a messenger bag instead of a backpack. That was about the extent of Jordan’s knowledge.

They met in the campus center lounge, Will arriving after Jordan, tugging his hat off as he approached and ruffling his hair. He gave Jordan a tentative smile, and Jordan swept out an arm toward the dining hall steps. “After you.”

When he arrived at their chosen table with a plate of overflowing tacos, Will was already back, only coffee and a bowl of Lucky Charms in front of him. Jordan thought about commenting on his dinner choice, but they had more pressing things to discuss.

“So.” He raised his eyebrows at Will. “We’re a pair.”

Will glanced around, as if anyone could hear them over the hum of all the other voices, as if anyone was paying them any attention. “What do we do?” he whispered.

“Master it and save the world?” Jordan shrugged and grabbed a taco. “Mmm. Or, you know, go on Pair-Off and get rich?” Will just gave him a dubious look. “Sorry it took me so long to show up,” Jordan went on through a mouthful. “Last night, I mean. Not sure if that’s normal or not.”

“I didn’t even mean to be out that late, I was at the library and lost track of time…” Will scooped a marshmallow onto his spoon, then tipped it off again. “I was walking back to my apartment, half-asleep, when suddenly it was like gravity stopped working. I realized what was happening, but…” He drew in a long breath. “Thanks. For helping me not die.”

“Anytime.” Jordan shot him a grin. “So, do you wanna tell people? We could be minor campus celebrities…”

“Um. Maybe not yet? I want to get used to it myself more first.”

“Sure, I get that. We can do a big, dramatic reveal once we’ve gotten it down.”

Will actually ate some of his cereal, following it with a swig of coffee. “What’s our goal, though? We practice and get good, and then… what?”

“Do we need a goal, Barnes?” Jordan spread his hands. “It’s powers! We can fucking fly!”

Will’s eyebrows darted upward as he glanced around again. But Jordan had kept his voice at a respectable volume. No one had noticed. 

“You know my name,” he said when his eyes returned to Jordan. “You’re Jordan, right?”

“Yeah. We sat in class together all last semester, but I guess we never officially met.”

“You’re not in French II.”

“Je suis… sucky.”

Will rolled his eyes. “You weren’t that bad.”

“Says Antoinette’s favorite.”

Jordan was pretty sure Will’s face got pinker under his beard. “Anyway,” he said around another sip from his mug. “So, you want to, like, commit? Actually, do this?”

“Don’t you?”

There were multiple reasons Will might not. Jordan’s older cousin had become the physical partner of a pair in high school, but the other half was one of her childhood bullies, so she hadn’t pursued it. But… powers! younger Jordan had argued. Not worth it, she had answered. I wasn’t about to let her, of all people, into my head. Getting paired with Will had been a stroke of luck on Jordan’s part. But Will didn’t necessarily feel the same way…

“I’m just… It was kind of terrifying? The closest thing I’ve ever had to a near-death experience?”

“I think you’re being a little dramatic.”

“You were there! I was—we were—free-falling.”

“Dude, if we can manage to not die when I’m yanked out of my dreams and have to figure out how to pilot your body on the fly—no pun intended—then I think we’ll be fine on our second try. You know, when we actually do it deliberately? We don’t have to do anything risky; we don’t have to go any higher than a foot off the ground if you want.”

Will was still looking skeptical. Skeptical, and scared. But Jordan wasn’t putting himself at any less risk. If Will died while they were mind-merged, Jordan would die too, leaving his body in a consciousness-lacking coma.

“You’re really not worried?” 

Will’s voice begged Jordan for honesty. Jordan reached out a hand and lay it on top of Will’s, which was lightly clasping his spoon. Will twitched like he was startled. Jordan resisted the urge to rub his thumb over Will’s knuckles. “My confidence in us,” he declared, “knows no bounds.”

###

Daylight Savings hadn’t hit yet, and it was getting dark as Will drove them out of the suburbs and pulled over by a desolate cornfield. Jordan had spent the trip trying to loosen him up, brainstorming nickname ideas for if they became famous—which had quickly devolved into bad puns. “Whippoorwill Barnes. Because you can fly? Like a bird?” To which Will had pointed out that the whippoorwill was a ground-nester, so not exactly the most fitting…

They were quiet now as they tramped over the fallen stalks. Jordan was slightly nervous, but no way was he going to let Will know that. “All right,” he announced, coming to a stop. “Let’s do this.” He flashed Will a grin and then picked a spot and stretched out on his back, folding his hands on his chest, and closing his eyes. “Ready when you are.”

“I’m ready. I guess…”

Jordan tried to project his mind, waiting for Will’s to suck it in like a vacuum. Media tended to either over-dramatize this part or ignore it completely, and he’d never had a reason to worry about exactly how it worked before…

Nothing happened. He opened one eye; Will was staring down at him, with an adorably confused/helpless frown. “I’m trying,” Jordan told him, and closed his eye again. Time to mind commune with Will Barnes, just like last night, feeling his fear and hopefully excitement and whatever else was there…

Whoa. Suddenly he’d slipped free of his body and was, yes, in Will’s head. Seeing his own, currently-empty body through Will’s eyes. Then the horizon, and farther, where a planet winked at them. 

Um. Hi. Welcome? 

Why thanks. All right, let’s see if I can figure out how this works…

I feel it, Will said, with something like wonder. Do you?

With Will’s focus directing him, there it suddenly was, calling to him like the edge of a cliff. Like a well so deep he couldn’t see the bottom. The power.

Will’s heels, and then toes, rose off the ground. “Aaah!” 

Whoa. Jordan hadn’t entirely meant to do that yet.

Are you controlling it? Will asked, growing panic underlying the words.

Kind of? 

Will’s arms flung out as his speed increased; he was a good five feet in the air now and counting. “Jordan…”

I don't know how to do this!

Figure it out! Please!

Jordan wanted to say that Will’s terror wasn’t helping, but he didn’t think that would help, either. I’m working on it! Just…

Focus, focus. He thought about the power—he thought about how he wanted to descend instead—and, fuck, falling again.

“Jordan!”

Down was good, yes, but slowly. Slowly. And it worked, but Jordan was not graceful enough to land Will on his feet. He felt the jolt as Will’s hands and knees hit the ground, crunching dried corn leaves.

The next thing he knew, he was opening his own eyes to find Will’s concerned face hovering over him. 

“Mmmf. How long was I…?”

“Maybe 20 seconds?”

“My head…” God, the pressure. He let his eyes close again. “Are you all right?”

“Besides a few bruises, yeah. Is your head bad?”

“I think it’ll… go away soon…”

Cornstalks rustled as Will sat down next to him, sighing. “We don’t know what we’re doing.”

Jordan opened his eyes, although he could barely see Will in the growing twilight. “That’s what the whole practicing thing is for.”

“I think we need to do more research. So, we can go in a little more prepared next time.”

“Research? You’re making my headache worse, Barnes.”

“I just don't want to feel like I’m risking my life every time we do this.”

“Come on, that’s part of the fun!” Jordan pushed himself up, stifling a groan as his head throbbed.

“…He says through a splitting headache.”

“It’s not that bad.”

“You do understand that we could actually die if we’re not careful, right?” Will’s face was pale against the sky, the whites of his eyes more so as he looked at Jordan.

Jordan looked back at him. Why couldn’t Will appreciate how exciting this was? 

…Will, falling, aware of the power but with no control over it. His life in Jordan’s hands. Okay, maybe being the physical partner was more stressful. Jordan got to leave his body behind; maybe that made the possibility of going splat feel less visceral.

“I do. But don’t worry. I’m not gonna let you die.”

“Okay, but can we please do some research before we try again? Just for my peace of mind?”

“Yes, Barnes.” Jordan rolled his eyes as he got to his feet and held out a hand to Will. “We can do some research.”

###

Will invited Jordan to his apartment the next day, which seemed like a nice gesture—until Jordan arrived to a mess of papers spread across the floor of Will’s room, making him suspect the invite had had more to do with convenience than anything else. “Research?” he asked. It came out wearier-sounding than he’d meant. 

“Research,” Will said firmly. He was sitting in the middle of the tree graveyard, hunched over his laptop, glasses discarded next to him, wearing a red flannel and skinny jeans. Jordan didn’t know if he was gay, but it was possible that he was, and Jordan hoped that he was (or bi, or pan, or homoromantic ace…), and—

“Some of it seems pretty useful,” Will went on. He straightened his spine, pushed his laptop aside, and then stretched out on the floor on his back. Jordan squinted at him. 

“Nap time?”

Will’s eyes rolled. “One suggestion was to practice the mind-meld when you’re not worrying about the powers. Get used to it without, you know, risking your life at the same time?”

“Are you getting snarky with me?” Jordan kicked off his Converse and lay down on his stomach beside Will. 

“I’ll leave that up to interpretation.” The papers crinkled under Will as he shifted very slightly away. 

Jordan rolled over onto his back, putting more space between them. “I’ll be able to find out in a minute. You know, when we brain-commune or whatever.” 

“That’s—” Will sputtered, and Jordan smirked and let his eyes close. 

“I’m coming in, Barnes.”

Except just as he was preparing to do exactly that, a voice from outside the room called, “Yo, Will,” and then the door opened. 

“Oh.” A guy grinned down at them. “Sorry to interrupt, ah, whatever this is…”

“Connor.” Will sat up quickly. “What’s up?”

“I was gonna ask if you could print something for me, buuuut I see you’re busy.” Still grinning, he closed the door again before Will could reply.

From where he still lay on the floor, Jordan snorted. Will sighed and didn’t look at him. “He is so not going to believe me when I tell him I had a perfectly normal reason for inviting a guy over so we could lie on the floor together…”

“Well. You don’t.”

“Yeah, that’s the problem.”

Will still hadn’t turned around. He was genuinely uncomfortable, and Jordan was trying to decide if he should be offended or not. He almost suggested they get back to the head-sharing so that he could get a sense of what was going on in Will’s. But that seemed a little unfair. 

“Well, hey, is there any of this research you thought I should see? You certainly did enough of it.”

“Oh, yeah.” Will moved to examine the papers he’d been sitting on. “Um, how about you start with…” He crawled closer to Jordan, and there was a moment where Jordan was just looking up at him as Will stared back down. Man, if Connor were to come in right now…

“Uh, it’s under your shoulder,” Will said.

“Oh.” Jordan tugged the stapled sheaf of paper free, groaning as he flipped through it. “This looks so long, though…”

“Should I make a Cliff’s Notes version for you?”

“Snark! That right there was snark. You wound me, Barnes.”

“Well, maybe if you stopped whining…” 

Will had gathered up more of the papers and was innocently arranging them into piles, his back to Jordan again. Which meant Jordan could get away with letting an amused grin temporarily take over his face.

He sat up to skim the printout, a study about how closely-bonded pairs tended to become proficient in using their powers faster than pairs who started out strangers. It wasn’t exactly quantifiable, but the theory was that it had to do with one’s comfort level toward the other person. It followed that taking time to get to know your partner would help you work better with them, which also tied into the “mind meld without using powers” thing—getting used to being in their brain or having them in yours.

“Is this your way of asking me out, Barnes? A little too subtle, maybe, but cute.”

“What?”

Jordan flicked the paper. “You want to get to know me.”

“Yeah—for the powers.”

“Suuuure.”

“Didn’t you say you have class at 3?”

“Eh, the prof’s always late.” But Jordan stood and stretched. “So, tomorrow, then? For our first date?”

Will just rolled his eyes and waved his hand in a shooing motion. Jordan blew him a kiss on his way out the door.

###

“So.” Jordan strode into Will’s room and dropped his backpack, having said hi to Connor and another of Will’s housemates in the common room, then turned to pointedly click the door shut. Will sighed and rolled his eyes. “Are you ready to bare our souls to each other, as recommended in your beloved research?”

“Oh my god,” Will muttered, dropping his head into his hands where he sat at his desk. “What did I do to deserve this?”

“Cheer up.” Jordan clapped a hand onto Will’s shoulder, making him jump slightly. “It’ll all be worth it when we’re rich and famous.”

“You keep saying that, but we’re not exactly making progress…”

“Patience, man, patience!” 

Jordan turned to stretch out on the floor again, but Will said, “Oh, uh, you can use my bed. If you want.”

“Why, thank you.” He grinned at Will before pulling his shoes off and settling onto the neatly arranged comforter. Lying on his back, he stared past the footboard at Will.

“Ready?” Will asked, not looking at him.

“So ready.”

“Okay…” 

One second, he was noticing Will’s head turning toward him, the next he was looking at himself through Will’s eyes. Fuck, that’s weird. 

“Oh, yeah. I guess it would be. Sorry.” Will’s gaze jerked to the window. 

No, wait, it was kind of interesting. Look back.

Okay…

There he was, a living body without anyone home. His legs looked short. Were his legs short? Will’s gaze focused in on his face, backwards from his typical mirror-view. At first, he thought he was staring at his eyes because it was odd to see himself with eyes closed, but he didn’t have control—that was Will doing the staring. At his… eyelashes? Oh, suddenly not anymore, zooming out for a general view, where Jordan could watch his chest rise and fall… 

“I didn’t know you were trans,” Will blurted—followed by instant chagrin.

It’s okay, Jordan quickly told him. It’s not a secret or anything. There’s just no reason anyone would know if they don’t know me.

Will was still experiencing waves of discomfort, and other stuff Jordan couldn’t parse. Then there was a rising sense of determination, and—

I want to know you. But maybe we start with just talking? Instead of me invasively reading your mind?

Works for me.

When Jordan came to, Will was watching him with big, concerned eyes. 

“Don’t worry, I’m alive.” He went to sit up but groaned as his head throbbed. “It will be nice to make some progress in a way that doesn’t involve a nasty headache.”

Will vanished to get him a glass of water, and Jordan pushed himself up the rest of the way, taking the opportunity to glance around the room. It was neat, but with pockets of messiness, all the papers from the other day still piled on the desk, along with a stack of textbooks. A framed photo of a grinning black lab sat on top of the dresser beside the bed. The closet door held a large print of Starry Night. Will was into art. If that wasn’t swoon-worthy…

Will returned bearing ice water, and its coolness brought Jordan’s head a rush of relief. “So.” He glanced at Will, who stood at the dresser, fiddling with a crooked drawer. “Have a seat and tell me about yourself.”

“Oh. Um…” Will settled on the floor, legs crossed, looking down at the carpet. “Uh…”

“Just give me a fact. We’ll take turns.”

“Okay. So, uh, I’m an only child.” 

“Youngest of four.”

“I’m majoring in Psych.”

“Communications.”

Will glanced up. “You go again, this is too much pressure.”

“Pressure? You gave me two things so far. But fine. Um, I had top surgery between my junior and senior years of high school. My grandparents paid for it. They’re pretty much the best.”

“Oh. Wow.” Will was quiet for a long moment, not looking up. “I don’t know if I’m cis. My parents were… strict. Anything queer was kind of off-limits. Not explicitly, but you pick up on these things. So, I just never felt free to explore any of that, until…”

“Oh.” Fuck, this was why Will had been weird the day before; it hadn’t just been run-of-the-mill self-consciousness. “Welp. My foot is entirely in my mouth.” Will still didn’t look at him, which compelled him to go on, “I mean, I wouldn’t have teased you like that yesterday if I’d known that it was, uh, a sensitive subject.”

Now Will squinted up at him, red-faced. “I can’t tell if you’re still making fun of me.”

Jordan was all ready with a theatrical answer, but he’d experienced Will’s feelings. Not a lot, but enough to know how deep they went. He relaxed the hand he’d been ready to dramatically clap over his heart. “I’m not. Really. God, I mean, I of all people get it. My family wasn’t the same as yours, but I went through all the questioning and uncertainty and shit. So, yeah. I’m… sorry about that.”

“Thanks,” Will said softly, his eyes fluttering up just briefly. “And it’s fine. Don’t worry about it.”

“So, uh.” Jordan cast around for something lighter. “Tell me about your dog?”

###

They had dinner the next day, where Jordan learned Will’s career goal: “I’m hoping to go on for a master’s in social work. Um, ideally, I’d end up working with queer kids. Or any kids, really, who are having a hard time.” The man was vulnerability incarnate; he couldn’t be fake or guarded if he tried. Having to be sincere back was something Jordan was still getting used to. 

As they wandered out of the campus center, after more chitchat about future plans and summer plans and families, Jordan was feeling antsy. Like he was waiting for something; like he wasn’t ready to say goodbye to Will. “Hey, so, what if I were to invite myself over to your place to do homework tonight?”

“Oh. I would say, uh, go for it.”

Lounging on Will’s bed was already starting to feel normal. Will sat typing at his desk, pausing to squint out the window every so often, or—Jordan’s snooping revealed—check Facebook. Jordan managed to get half his Bio reading done before getting bored. “Hey. Do you wanna try brain-sharing again?”

“Oh. Sure, I guess.”

Sliding into Will’s mind was also starting to become second nature. Jordan stayed quiet at first, looking to assess Will’s current mood. There was that old nervousness, but also a sort of tentative optimism, or anticipation. And fuck, he did not want Will to know how much he liked that—

Oh, by the way, how did you know I was trans the other day? he asked quickly. I wasn’t thinking about it right then or anything.

Jordan felt Will’s attempt to remember, his mind going back to that moment. Oh. Jordan realized it at the same time Will did. I was happy when I noticed my flat chest.

Yeah. I was aware of that feeling, and the history behind it, if that makes sense? Not details, but just. Enough to get the idea.

Now Will was thinking about his own gender feelings; Jordan couldn’t read his thoughts in words, not when they weren’t directed at him, but he felt the weight of the topic, of Will’s uncertainty, of a vague sense of shame underlying it—probably due to his upbringing. Oof, he felt like he was inadvertently eavesdropping. And then came a rush of self-consciousness from Will, and then—

“Sorry,” they both said at once, Will out loud and Jordan in his brain. Jordan didn’t know what to do, didn’t know how to handle the awkwardness; he instinctively cringed away, and…

Pain. Grogginess. Concerned eyes. This time he made himself sit up right away. This part should get easier, as he got used to it…

“Sorry,” Will was saying again, on his feet now, hovering by the end of the bed. 

“Dude, what are you apologizing for?”

“I made it weird, I made you leave.”

“What, by thinking? I just wanted to give you some privacy.” Will looked at him dubiously. He had felt Jordan’s embarrassment, after all. “Look, though,” Jordan went on before Will could argue, “if you ever want to talk about that stuff—like, as a real, normal conversation—you know, I’m here.”

“Thanks.” Will looked doubtful, his eyes all crinkled behind his glasses. 

“I mean it,” Jordan felt compelled to add. “I remember how lonely it can be.” Now Will’s gaze held reappraisal. Jordan smirked. “You didn’t think I was capable of being serious, did you?”

“To be fair, you haven’t given me much reason to so far.”

“I resent that!” Jordan crawled forward and grabbed a paperback textbook from the foot of the bed, which he used to smack Will’s leg.

“This is exactly what I’m talking about.” Will rolled his eyes and stepped back, out of range. But just as Jordan was wondering if he was actually annoyed, Will grabbed a pillow off the floor and tossed it at him, and Jordan caught his smirk before it hit him in the face.

###

Jordan kept asking Will to do things—because to get to know each other, they had to spend time together, right? They played ping-pong; they had a Settlers of Catan night with Priya, to whom Jordan had given a non-answer when she’d asked about his sudden friendship with Will; and they watched The Empire Strikes Back with Connor and Will’s other roommates, who definitely thought they were dating and made fun of them for sitting six inches apart on the couch.

Saturday afternoon found them back in Will’s room, door closed, Jordan on his back on the bed while Will sat on the floor next to him, one elbow resting on the mattress. Jordan almost reached out to set a hand on his arm—but nope, he was not going to make things weird.

“Ready?” Will asked softly. He’d left his glasses on his desk, and his gaze felt so intense with his blue-gray eyes unobscured… Jordan quickly nodded and closed his own eyes, and moments later, he was in Will’s head.

It’s been a minute, Will said. His eyes lingered vaguely on Jordan’s body. Jordan felt his tentativeness, along with a warmth that he wasn’t sure had been there before. He wondered what Will was getting from him. He wondered if Will could tell he was wondering.

Yeah. But now that I know you’re secretly a pro ping-pong player, I think we’ll have this flying thing mastered in no time.

Will let out a breath of a laugh. There was a spike of… disappointment? My friends like you, he remarked. They’re shipping us hard. An immediate squirm of discomfort—regret? 

Oh, really? I hadn’t noticed. Jordan pictured Will’s red face when Connor had told him to scooch down and make more room on the couch, pushing him closer to Jordan. A cringe from Will, but then he was remembering how Jordan had hopped up and sat on the floor by his feet until Connor had let it go and made space on the couch again. Will didn’t say anything, but Jordan felt his gratitude.

So. Jordan scrambled for a change of subject. How’d your Stats test go?

A wash of relief. Okay, I think. As long as I get at least a B, I’ll be happy.

You’ll do fine, I bet you get a 95 or something. I’ll be happy if I pull a C in Bio.

Jordan felt Will’s surprise, the wordless expression of “but you’re smart.” Jordan couldn’t hold back a twist of resentment, and Will quickly said, Oh, sorry…

No, it’s fine. Jordan took a moment to steady himself. Science just isn’t my strong suit. I’m not good at the whole memorization thing, that stuff doesn’t stick in my head… A high school memory of his dad accusing him of being lazy—“You need to spend more time studying instead of surfing the internet, or whatever you kids get up to.” The problem was, he did study. It just didn’t help when it came to test time.

Hey, Will said gently. Do you want to talk about this, like, normally?

No, it’s okay. Really. 

Um. Well, I was just thinking… A rising flush; Will’s gaze re-focusing on Jordan’s prone form. And then—

You like seeing my face while I talk. Jordan’s discomfort was replaced by a surge of giddy warmth. Barnes, that is fucking adorable. And then, because Will’s embarrassment knew no bounds, Jordan politely withdrew to his own body. When he regained control, he sat up and grinned at Will. He barely felt the headache at all.

Poor Will’s face was very red, but he lifted his chin and faced Jordan down. “It’s not weird to like to have face-to-face conversations with your friends.”

“No, it’s not,” Jordan assured him, but he couldn’t keep the grin off his face. “It’s just sweet, to hear you say it.”

“Technically, you said it.”

“Well, I felt it. Which still counts.”

“Whatever.” Will rolled his eyes, face still pink. 

Time to ease up. “Come on, though, we can talk about my academic baggage now. While you look at my face.” Okay, so he’d thought he was done, but how could he resist, when blushing-Will was about the cutest thing he’d ever seen? 

Also, Will had just called them friends. With the sappiness Jordan was feeling, it was really good they weren’t mind-melded right now…

###

The end of the semester was approaching, but flying had somehow ended up on Jordan’s back burner. There were more pressing things for him and Will to do—like brain-share their impressions of each other from before they’d met.

Okay, just because I carry a messenger bag doesn’t mean I’m a nerd, Will weakly protested.

No, but doing a skit with the prof does.

She asked me to fill in because her son was sick! What was I gonna do, refuse?

Too nice for your own good…

Well, here’s you. Will played a fuzzy mental video of Jordan wearing a plaid hoodie and weaving around sidewalk pedestrians on a skateboard.

The fuck?? I don’t skateboard!

Really? I could’ve sworn I’ve seen you.

I think I would remember if I owned a skateboard, Barnes.

Well… you just have boarder vibes, then.

Jordan gave Will mental side-eye; Will projected an innocent shrug. Then came a moment of quiet. Jordan could feel Will just thinking about him—vibes of… maybe surprise, because he’d never anticipated back then that they’d become friends. Jordan hadn’t either. There hadn’t been a reason they would, until—the powers. And it was a good thing that had happened, because man it would suck if they’d never gotten to know each other…

Wait. Was he thinking that, or was Will? He couldn’t tell, and fuck that was freaky, and he almost jumped out of Will’s head, but he didn’t want to make it weird—

So, uh. Will’s words stopped the mental avalanche. We should try flying again. Was he changing the subject because he felt Jordan’s discomfort? Was that… a sort of sadness he was feeling?

Yeah! We should. Jordan tried to muster some excitement—because he was excited, somewhere in his mind—but he was still kind of distracted. He retreated to his own body, and they made plans to meet that night, and then he left, even though he’d been assuming they’d go to dinner together. But he went back to his apartment and put a can of tomato soup on the stove instead. 

There’d been something hazy and dream-like about that moment with Will, like it’d been a true mind-meld, like they were both on exactly the same page, thinking the same thing at once… But that was silly, because it didn’t make sense for Will to feel that way about him. Sure, he seemed to like that they were friends, and apparently liked looking at Jordan’s face while they talked, but that was just because he was a nice person; he’d feel that stuff about anyone he’d gotten power-paired with. There was no reason Jordan would be special to him. All he’d done to Will was be a pain.

That night, they both lay down on the cornstalks, heads aligned while their bodies pointed opposite directions. Will had suggested they take it slow, start out by trying to get in sync. That moment earlier had felt in sync… But it’d probably just been him making a fool of himself, overwhelming them both with feelings that Will was now going to politely ignore so as not to hurt him—

“Uh, you coming in?” Will asked, head turning toward Jordan.

“Oh. Right.” Hesitantly, Jordan did, trying to shut his mind up and dial down his emotions.

You’re nervous, Will said.

Am I?

…Yes.

Okay, fine. Maybe. A little.

I thought I was supposed to be the worrywart, and you were the cool adrenaline junkie.

Yeah, well… things change.

What things?

Um. Jordan tried to think what to say that wouldn’t give himself away.

Oh—you care what I think about you, Will said slowly. You care if you let me down.

Um, yeah. Sure. Something like that.

That’s so sweet. Amusement was growing in Will.

Don’t you dare—

Come on, Johnson. Suddenly Will was scrambling to his feet. Jordan felt the hum of his satisfaction, his burst of energy and optimism. Let’s fly.

Was this how he’d been making Will feel all this time? Small and silly. Having feelings was the worst.

Except Will was jubilant right now, practically pushing the power at Jordan, ready to soar into the air. And Jordan internally sighed, and stuck a toe in, lifting Will very slightly off the ground.

Um. Higher?

Okay. Sure. Will’s body rose farther while Jordan numbly watched his own grow slowly smaller.

Faster? 

Faster it was. But Will exclaimed, Whoa! Too fast!

Fuck, he was screwing this up so much. He stopped the rise, and—

“Aaaaaaah!” Now Will was—they were—plummeting, because he’d let go of the power completely, and fuck he was going to get them both killed—

They stopped. He stopped them, stopped Will’s body, sending Will’s arms flinging out, wobbling in the air for a long moment before going still.

What the— Confusion and fear were emanating from Will. Maybe an undercurrent of disappointment, too. 

Sorry. 

Jordan lowered Will down, very carefully. He was immediately ready to pull away, but Will quickly said, Wait.

Jordan—Will—looked down at his unconscious body. Lying there like he was peacefully sleeping, like nothing whatsoever was wrong. What happened? Will asked. Fear subsiding, confusion growing, along with a pinch of exasperation…

I got… scared? I don’t know, maybe we’re just not a good match for this. You deserve someone else, someone better…

More than a pinch now. Pretty sure I don’t “deserve” anything. I never particularly wanted powers in the first place.

So, what, do you want to quit?

Do you?

Maybe I should. You know, so you don’t wind up dead.

Jordan…

That was the last straw. Will using his name, his first name… Jordan practically leapt back into his own body. 

“Sorry,” he said automatically as he sat up, his eyes finding Will’s. “I just wasn’t meant for this, okay? It’s not worth the risk.”

“Wait, but do you want to talk about it more…?”

Jordan scrambled to his feet, bending to brush off his jeans. “I don’t know what else to say, Barnes. Finals are coming up anyway, it’s not like we would’ve had a lot of time…” He shrugged and turned toward the car.

Will drove them back in an almost-unbearably awkward silence. When they parked by Will’s building, he didn’t invite Jordan up. 

“I guess I’ll see you around,” Jordan said without conviction as Will locked the car behind them.

“Yeah.” Will sounded slightly plaintive, slightly lost. Stop that!! Jordan wanted to tell him. Stop making me feel bad when I’m doing this for your own good. 

Right now, Will couldn’t read his mind to call him on his bullshit. Jordan almost wished he could.

###

It felt like a breakup. They didn’t text, or hang out, or speak at all. Jordan avoided the pizza counter at lunch, yanking his gaze away when he accidentally caught glimpses of Will around campus. Priya was constantly giving him pity-eyes. What had Will told Connor and the rest of his friends? Maybe the truth—that they’d never actually been dating in the first place.

Monday evening of finals week, Priya strode into their room, where Jordan was camped out at his desk. “I saw Will today,” she announced, dropping her bag on her bed.

“Oh?”

“Yeah. He seemed… sad.”

“Probably overwhelmed with finals. He said Stats was gonna be rough.”

“Right. It was just school stress that made him barely speak to me and never make eye contact and make an excuse to leave as quickly as possible.”

She shook her head and whisked off again, leaving Jordan making a face at the door. Will couldn’t be sad about him. Why would he be? He’d never been invested in the powers, and what else had Jordan given him but a shitload of teasing and someone to beat at ping-pong? Yeah, sure, they’d been friends. But it wasn’t like Jordan had been his only one. 

Just, maybe the only one he’d talked to about his parents? About his gender feelings? Definitely the only one who’d been inside his brain, feeling his emotions along with him. Maybe… that meant something to Will. Like it did to Jordan.

…Well. Fuck.

###

The next morning, Jordan sent Will a carefully composed text:

Hey. Can we talk?

Then he put his phone on silent and went to take his Bio final. When he got out (it had probably gone okay… ish…) he had an answer:

Sure. Tonight?

There was something nice about Will being ready on such short notice—about Will being amenable at all. They agreed to meet at Will’s place, and then Jordan got to spend the rest of the day stewing in dread.

He was on his way over after dinner, golden hour bathing the campus, when Will texted, Walk okay instead? Connor fell asleep on the couch, I don’t want to wake him up. Jordan agreed, and Will met him by his building door.

“Hi.” Will’s eyes darted to his, tentative, before retreating again. 

“Hey. How’s it going?”

Will just rolled his eyes. “Come on, let’s go this way.”

They wandered down the tree-lined path leading toward the academic buildings. It’d been a warm day; Will was wearing a t-shirt and flip-flops. He’d gotten a haircut since Jordan had last seen him, and he could’ve been a model in a summer ad campaign and—

Right. “So, uh. I was shitty to you.” Walking made it easier to say the words, eyes locked onto his moving feet. “You know, with the giving up and ditching you… I was scared, but not just about—”

A scream from up ahead cut him off. Shouts followed, coming from behind the science building. Jordan looked at Will, who shrugged, and then they took off running together. Leaving the sidewalk to cross the grass, rounding the corner to the mini-quad, where—

The roughly sphere-shaped tangle of metal that was supposedly a sculpture was floating in the air. There must’ve been a critique in progress in the art building because students were streaming out the door to stand and ogle. One was almost right under the airborne artwork, an arm stretched out as if she could call it back to the ground. Priya.

“Pri!” Jordan veered toward her, and she turned to him and Will. Her expression was more pissed than frightened. 

“Apparently I’ve got fucking po—”

The sculpture shot higher into the air, and her attention snapped back to it. “Connor, I swear to god—”

“Connor?” Will asked. “My Connor?”

“Yes! He’s supposed to be—”

Now the sculpture swerved downward, directly at the crowd of spectators, who screamed and scattered. Priya was swearing at Connor. The thing stopped, hanging in midair again.

“I think we can help,” Jordan called to her, and then turned to Will. “If you…”

“Yeah. Might as well try.”

Jordan held his gaze a second longer before flopping onto the grass and closing his eyes. Nerves made his mind resist joining Will’s at first, but then—

Hi. 

Hi. 

Will’s gaze rose from Jordan’s body to Priya and the sculpture. Jordan concentrated on the power, putting everything else aside. Will’s feet lifted off the ground.

So, am I grabbing it?

Yeah, if we can pull it back down…

“What the—” Priya was staring at Will now. The sculpture wobbled, then dropped. Relief swept through Jordan; everyone was out of the way; it was going to be fine…

The sculpture hit the grass—but as it did, one of its metal pieces bounced free. Flying right toward—

They reacted together, Will’s arms stretching out as Jordan propelled them down into a dive. Priya was ducking her head, flinging an arm up in front of her face. But before the rusty bar reached her, Will blew past and snatched it out of the air. Jordan slowed their momentum, and Will stumble-stepped onto the ground.

Holy fuck, Barnes, we did it! That was… Jordan’s rush of emotions overtook his words. He was feeling Will’s triumphant relief too, and…

He opened his own eyes. “Will?” The aftermath met him as he scrambled up. Crumpled pile of scrap metal, Priya staring dazedly at Will, Will still holding the sculpture piece. Will’s gaze lifting to meet his. Will sprinting toward him, grinning.

Jordan anticipated the hug, but not Will’s lips pressed to his. But then, Will had just felt his feelings. All of them.

“You idiot,” Will whispered, and held him tighter.

People were clapping and cheering. Some part of Jordan was vaguely embarrassed, but not enough to pull away. 

“Hey, sorry to interrupt…” Priya stood nearby, shifting from foot to foot. “But is Connor at your place, Will? He and I need to have a talk…”

“He is. Apparently, this is what he gets for pulling an all-nighter.”

“Awesome. I’ll talk to you about this gigantic secret you’ve been keeping from me later.” She pointed at Jordan before heading off.

Some of the onlookers had dispersed, but others were still standing around with their phones out. “Let’s escape, maybe?” Jordan glanced after Priya. “I guess we should leave those two to talk alone for now, though…” 

“Where to, then?”

“Well, we can kinda go anywhere we want.”

“Uh-uh.” Will slipped his hand into Jordan’s, long fingers making his grip feel solid and secure. “I like looking at your face when we talk, remember?”

“Oh. Right. Well…” Despite the blush creeping over his cheeks, Jordan dragged his eyes to Will’s. “You know what, Barnes? I like looking at your face, too.”

THE END